I sat at my desk lifeless. I could hear the phone calls coming in and my sweetheart holding the office together. Every day that passed, I died a little more. My desire to live was at an all-time low. I sat just looking in the air, as a dead man. The waves of embarrassment were relentless. My clients trusted me and … hopelessness and fear were my companions those days. I couldn’t quit thinking of the widows and pastors; even missionaries, friends, and family, that now had their retirement savings at risk of being lost! I was shaking inside with nowhere to go. They say fear paralyzes. Now I knew what they meant!
The only thing I could try doing well was to say, “Oh Lord, Oh Lord, Oh Lord!” I felt I had walked deeply with the Lord over all these years. I always believed God was good. Each morning I loved meeting with the ‘King’. I felt I’d heard His voice many times and was truly thankful for my business, my clients, my family and my church. Life was going so fine and now, all of a sudden, I sit at my desk seeing all that I’d worked for, burn up before my very eyes. I can usually work myself out of all kinds of trouble, but this one had me pinned down for the count. I heard that someone had stolen 70 million dollars from the investment pool. What do I do now! I only sold the product! All I know is our life went blindly forward day after day, with the heat getting hotter and hotter.
We sat down with our pastors first. They cared and loved us so much! I resigned from being an elder and moved to ‘the back of the bus’ so to speak and tried to hide. I met with each of my children and my siblings and, in unbelief; we hugged each other with tears. We stood in unbelief! How? How, can this have happened! Desperation, shock, sadness, hopelessness and unbelief all took their seats in my heart. I had no strength left to fight, except to say, “God, why?!”
But then God showed up again at my friend, Boniface’s house. His brother was visiting from Tanzania. He came up to me and said, “Jack, I have a word for you.” I looked up and saw his wet eyes. He told me that the bitter cup the Lord had allowed me to drink from, was like the children of Israel in the dessert, who came to the waters of Mira to drink but the water was bitter. They were parched with thirst after being 3 days in the dessert. They complained about how bitter the water was because it was too bitter to drink. They cried and complained to God. God told them to throw the wood into the waters and the bitter water would turn sweet. He said, “Jack, the bitter cup that God has allowed you to drink from can only be resolved through His cross. Your solution is found in God’s solution. That’s your answer. Cling to the cross of Christ, Jack, and the bitterness will be turned into sweetness. It will come from His solution, not yours.” I sensed with all my heart that God was with me during this super bitter time and that sweetness would come through His cross, His solution. Several scriptures came into my mind, but here’s just a few that stood out.
“He’s a present help in time of trouble!” Psalm 40:1 “He picked me up from a horrible pit!” Psalm 40:2 “Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, You are with me.” Psalm 23:4
My mind went to Paul and Silas in prison! Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the furnace! Joseph in prison! Danial in the Lion’s den! Saul after David! And even Job! It appeared to me that no matter how bitter the situations we encounter, we could count on God because He is with us! It all seemed so right, however the bittern situation was still here banging so hard on my door. “Oh Lord”!
All of a sudden I saw a picture in my mind. It was firemen racing to a fire that was engulfing a house. They ran pulling out all the water hoses, getting their masks and oxygen tanks on, and setting up their ladders. They did everything right except when they turned on their water hoses, there was no water! They forgot to hook up to the water source! Here was an amazing God moment! God was saying, “Jack, hook up to Me as your source. I am your ‘living water’. Drink from Me and you will never thirst again. Jack, I am your answer! I am able to help you! I will make this bitter water sweet, but it will not come from what you can drum up as a solution, but I am your solution. Hook up to Me Jack.” My heart was encouraged again that God showed up so wonderfully in our ‘bitter’ time. Bev and I felt we were going to make it, at least for a few more days. Then that grand old hymn began to play through my fear filled mind.
“Will your anchor hold in the storms of life? When the clouds unfold their wings of strife? When the strong tides lift, and the cables strain, Will your anchor drift or firm remain? We have an anchor that keeps the soul. Steadfast and sure while the billows roll, Fastened to the Rock which cannot move. Grounded firm and deep in the Savior’s love.”
Bev and I left our friend’s place sensing God had truly shown up yet again through a man from Tanzania. God said, “Anchor to Me as you go through this bitter time. I will never leave you nor forsake you!”