I kept looking at the .22 rifle in my shed. It was as if it was speaking to me. “Jack, come, use it; just do it and everything will be over. It won’t hurt, you won’t feel anything!!” I quickly walked out of my garden shed numb with fear and worry. I walked slowly toward the house and I looked up and there was my beautiful wife of 34 plus years at the sink doing dishes. She looked up and smiled so big. I gave a weak wave and a fake smile but thanked God for intervening again for my life! He always does. He always seems to show up when we’re at a dead end. His power, His grace, His mercy, and His care for us seem to be recognized best when we’re at the end of our rope. The last six years have been really difficult and painful. But God …
I want to blog about the times God showed up! Times when I had no more strength to go on and hopelessness slipped under the ‘door’ of my life. With my reputation run over, my career stolen from me, my testimony wrecked, and my identity smashed to pieces, all I could think about was ending my life! But all God kept doing was throwing me His Life line! He had a bigger plan than what I could see.
Let me give you some background before I go any further. I started in the Life Insurance business 30 plus years ago, and slowing worked into doing full financial planning. I enjoyed many trips, prizes and awards. I worked hard to achieve my CFP designation (Certified Financial Planner). I loved going to my office. I loved the people who trusted me with their money. Most were church going folk, as I did seminars on what God says about money. I did dozens and dozens of seminars. Most seminars ended with a ministry time at the altar, where prayer was offered and God showed up time after time! My business truly had a ministry dimension and many churches requested the seminars. This resulted in writing a book called, ‘Unrolling God’s Financial Blueprints’ and a study guide teaching on what the Bible has to say about money.
Still nothing was more wonderful than sitting with clients and helping them navigate through their financial situations. I truly felt loved. I also very much enjoyed having my wife Bev work with me as one of my main assistants. We saw marriages put back together and we saw hope brought back to people’s finances. There was always great laughter in my office, so many thank-you’s, smiles and hugs. I loved my business and I loved my clients a lot; enough to help them get out of debt, leave an inheritance for their children, get the right insurance, provide estate solutions, etc. It was such a wonderful business. My identity and my purpose were set. I could see myself doing this right into my retirement years.
God showed up so many times while I was financial planner. Let me tell you about a couple times that jump into my mind now as I write. I was speaking in Wetaskiwin, Alberta one cold November evening. The church had about 100 people in attendance. I was at the point in the seminar when I talked about “Sanctified Classifieds”. Sanctified Classifieds was a teaching that would connect people with needs with people that had enough. Many years ago I attended a church that asked the people if anyone had pressing needs. No one put up their hand so the speaker spoke a few moments on being transparent with their needs as there may be people that want to help. So he asked again, “Are there any needs here this evening?” One young lady put her hand up and said, “I need some 13 inch tires for my Volkswagen.” “Ok”, the speaker said. “Is there any one here that has some 13 inch tires they could part with.” Three hands went up! One had almost new tires, so he was asked if he would give them to this young lady that evening. The person responded, “Absolutely, I’ve wanted to get rid of them for a long time”.
That evening I saw washers, dryers, fridges and stoves, ironing boards, vacuums, and all needs met that evening right in the local church. Transparency was so amazing and we saw such smiles and heard much laughter that night.
So, now I’m in Wetaskiwin, Alberta and I just told the same above story and I’m ready to move on. But something happened in my spirit. I stopped for a few seconds and realized that God is asking me to ask this group if there were any needs. I never did that before but I asked very carefully, “maybe there are needs here tonight?” After a few seconds of silence go by the pastor says, “I have a need! My furnace motor went just as I was leaving to come here and after the meeting I’m going to have to deal with it”. I said, “Thanks Pastor for being transparent. Ok, is there anyone here that…” I couldn’t finish my statement as a large man at the back said, “I’ll take care of that. I’m in that business and I’ll do it at no cost!” Everyone applauded and smiled. God showed up!
I was going to move on in my seminar when again I sensed God wasn’t finished. I stood quietly for 10-15 seconds and asked a question. “Do you think that there are people in our churches that don’t have any food in their cupboards tonight?” Almost everyone nodded their heads in agreement. I stood quietly with my ear to heaven and gently asked, “Is there someone here tonight that is in that situation?” I remained still, humbly ready for what God was about to do. Then a lady two from the front raised her hand. I thanked her for being so transparent. “What’s your situation?” I asked. She said that her husband had walked out on her and the kids a few months ago and that they were down to some bread and a package of wieners. Inside I gasped and realized how over weight I was. I quickly said, “Thank-you for being so transparent! Can I pray for you?” She nodded her head. I said a nice prayer for this lady but at the end I heard God say, “You’re not done!” I again waited a moment and then I knew what had to be done. I looked up at the attendees and said, “I think God has already spoken to some here tonight”. I asked for those who had heard from God to get up from where they were sitting and bless this lady.
As I walked to this lady to empty my wallet, I heard the most beautiful sound! I still get wet eyes when I think of this. The entire group stood up in unison! I still hear the sound of 100 people rising up together and then shuffling to get to the lady in the second row.
I put what I had in her lap and walked back to the front. I stood behind the podium and quickly shut off my mic as tears were flowing hard as I watched people fill this lady’s lap with money. So much so that coins and bills began to fall on the linoleum floor. Such beautiful heavenly music! The Pastor walked briskly to his office and another guy walked out the back door rather quickly. I thought perhaps when God moves, some will be offended, but that was not the case!
I saw the Pastor come back with a $100 bill in his hands and put it in the lady’s lap and the guy who left quickly out the back door came back even quicker with a large bag of frozen chickens and set it on the floor beside the lady. We all had tears with great applause and huge smiles. The Pastor had never met the lady before, no one knew who she was and to this day, no one has ever seen her again. God truly showed up in an amazing way that evening to show us His heart and the beauty of giving!
I could go on and tell you how God showed up in Spruce Grove, Grande Cache and in Sherwood Park. I could tell you how God showed up in Ethiopia when I was there teaching on finances from God’s perspective. One time God asked if I’d give my car to these people. Another time He asked if Bev and I would empty our bank account for God’s Kingdom – always wanting to be led by His Holy Spirit.
What a career! What a life! What a lifestyle! God was so good!! I loved being a financial planner. I loved the people and I really thought I loved God but … now I was contemplating suicide! The ‘scaffolding of my life’ came crashing down in a big heap. All that I worked for was gone – so I thought! I know I’m only one of the millions that have had their life run over, only to be thrown to the side of the road, and lay in a ditch wanting to die!
These blogs are our story of how God picked us up out of a horrible pit and put our feet on solid ground. (Psalm 40:2-3) From hopelessness to hope again! God always shows up best when we’re at our worst!
To be continued…