I spoke well that evening, even though every fear was continuously knocking on my door. I did my best to unplug from what I had just been told, but it seemed hopeless. I couldn’t help but see my clients, my wonderful trusting clients, my pastors and missionaries, friends and family, at risk of losing their life savings, their retirement packages, and their inheritance funds. They had trusted me with their possessions! My heart felt like a ball falling down a staircase. Then for a split second, as I thought about the impact of this; “widows who had trusted me with their funds”, suicide seemed like the only answer. All this was going on while I was speaking about “Finances from God’s perspective.”
The pain, the fear, the hopelessness, came flooding into my heart as I spoke that evening. I was at the part of my seminar where I read Matthew 6:19-21 and 24. I started to read it like I always did, but when I came to verse 21, a tsunami of tears from deep inside me tried to push through. I stopped, got my breath, and again tried to read the verses. “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” and “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other…” . I was half way through. The dam of tears could hardly be kept back. The third time I tried reading the verses it all broke open! I cried so hard! I couldn’t stop. I cried openly in front of the people. It was as if God was crying through me; weeping for His people who choose to find security in everything, but Him; a people who would love things more than they would love God. In a culture that treasures the visible and the finite instead of the invisible and eternal, God was asking the question, “Do you treasure Me above all else?”
God had spoken much to me about money over the years, but nothing could push back the thoughts that my wonderful clients could lose their money. I truly loved God and prayed often that He would protect their money! But God had another plan. In the Bible Joseph addresses his brothers and says,” what you meant for evil, God meant for good.” It was that line that kept coming into my mind but it was beyond me to even fathom something good coming from this tragedy.
Right at that moment the old hymn came rushing into my mind, “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.”
There was no doubt in my heart that God was at work and He was going to keep showing up!