The agony was so great! My mind just wouldn’t stop playing over and over again, the faces of my clients, who trusted me! I shook inside and groaned over the situation. I would sit on the side of my bed in the middle of the night saying softly, “Oh God!” The tears came easily. I’d try to sleep but with no success. I would get up at 4:30-5:00 AM, go to the McDonalds down the block and bury myself in books written by great men and women who came through ‘the fire’. This went on for months and months. I felt I was going to die from the stress and worry. I wouldn’t actually need to take my life. I finally went to my doctor and had a chat about what was going on. He, being a Christian, held my hands and prayed with me. He advised me to remember that God was in control. He gave me some sleeping pills and booked me in to see a psychiatrist once a week. I walked away numb, like a dead man walking.
The Lord brought to my mind something Pastor Al had said. “God seldom uses a man greatly till he’s been wounded deeply.” This was more than a wound, it was a death! I was bleeding out! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! I would say. “Come Oh God!”
The doctor told me to take some time out and go and do something fun. We loved riding our bikes so we closed the office early on the odd occasion and rode all over the city of Edmonton. We were cycling slowly over the high level bridge one sunny afternoon and as I did, I looked over the edge. I thought, “This could be over in a moment”. No more pain, no more embarrassment, no more agony. The devil is such a bugger! We made it across the bridge and stopped in a small park. We got off our bikes and sat with our backs against a couple of trees close by. I closed my eyes for about 20 minutes till my wife woke me with a loud, “Hon!, Hon!, Listen to this!” I turned my head to listen and yes, again, God showed up! Bev was super excited and read from the book of Haggai chapter 2, verses 18 and 19. “Is the seed still in the barn? As yet the vine, the fig tree, the pomegranate, and the olive tree have not yielded fruit. But from this day I will bless you.” I looked at her as she read it. I thought, ok nice. But as she read, she noted that verse 18 said ‘the 24th day of the ninth month’!! “From this day I will bless you.” She emphatically said, “Jack today is the 24th of September! What’s the chance? God has Not forgotten us!” We got back on our bikes, with a renewed sense of peace, knowing that God was with us! We remembered that His ways are higher than our ways. (Isaiah 55:8-9)