The pain was relentless. The faces of my clients kept coming into my mind, especially the widows. As the days passed, they’d come in and ask, “How are things going with our investments? Have things been resolved? Are my monthly distributions going to start up again soon?” I would reply, “I’m not sure but I think it will all work out.” (Remember, as I write this, we’re six years past this time. The loss of money didn’t happen instantly, and only after months in the courts). Dozens of clients came into my office and sat across the desk from me with such fear in their eyes. “Jack what happens if…?”
With over 90% of my clients being Christian people, there was empathy and understanding. Only a couple of law suits were filed. One was filed by a very close relative. This was as unbelievable as and more hurtful than anything Bev & I had ever experienced. It was like a sword piercing our hearts. As I reviewed the legal documents, I noticed it wasn’t just close relatives, but also their best friends, who were also my clients. I couldn’t believe it! I was stunned! I remembered the times we had such great planning meetings with them in my office. There was so much kindness, sincerity, honesty, smiles and our meetings always ended with them thanking us and hugs. But now Bev and I sat there with broken bleeding hearts! How could this be? All I could do was weep and say, “Why God!” “Oh God, how much more can I take?”
I recalled that they had taken the investment documents home and read them. A few weeks later they came in and said they had gone through the investment in great detail and would like to go ahead with it. I was happy because they were family, they were smart, and successful business owners. They trusted me.
Now I sat at my desk with legal papers in my hands and again I wanted to take my life! I thought long and hard about suicide but love for my wife, my kids, and my grandkids held me back. I could only cry, “Oh God! Help!”
And like He had done so often, God showed up through a verse in His word, “He picked me up out of a horrible pit and set my feet upon a rock and put a new song in my heart”. (Psalm 40:2-3a) However the hope and comfort was only temporary, because another enraged client came into my office and started yelling, “You’re the worst…….!!” He took several runs at me but his wife, who disagreed with his behavior, finally told him if he didn’t stop she would haul him out of there. I sat across from him trying to look like I was absorbing his accusations and criticisms, but inside I was crying like a baby. My career ended that day! I could no longer meet with my clients! I just wanted to die! In that bitter moment, God spoke again, “Jack, come boldly before My throne of grace to obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need”. (Hebrews 4:16) I was so full of pain and bleeding so badly, but I sat with My Father and received the mercy and grace I needed to make it through another day!